Growing Up

Heads up: this post has nothing to do with congenital heart disease. Honestly, below is just my ramblings about the evolution of my child's sleeping habits.

When I was pregnant, I read a ton of parenting books. That's how I deal with change; I assimilate information. About three days after G was born, I realized that very little content in the baby books actually applied to my child. My new approach to parenting was to wing it, which was far more successful.

The baby quickly became a good sleeper during the night. He slept in his crib, on his back, for longer and longer stretches. I am so very, very thankful for this quality. During the day, however, he would only nap in the fetal position on the chest of a warm, living, breathing human being. No exceptions. He hadn't read the part of the parenting books that tell us that tummy naps are dangerous.

At first, this was a little stressful. Dishes didn't get washed. Laundry didn't get changed over. Maternal naps were not had (although everyone kindly kept reminding me to sleep when he slept, even immediately after I explained why that couldn't happen.) But at some point I clued in. Oh darn, I couldn't do any housework because an adorable, snoring infant insisted on using me as a bassinet. Oh me, oh my! Well, if snuggle I must, then snuggle I shall!

I knew that his napping needs would change all too quickly, so I enjoyed his warm weight as he snoozed peacefully on me. Then, one day at about four weeks of age, he suddenly decided that he wouldn't nap that way anymore. He was ready to grow up.

My mother had warned me that this would happen. Her philosophy is that you don't need to teach kids much of anything in the first year of life. They are preprogrammed to learn how to do everything, including sleeping on their own, when they are ready. For G in particular, this seems to be true. I had been worried that he would become so accustomed to snuggly sleeping that he would never want to nap any other way, but he is more capable of growing up than I gave him credit for. You were right, mom!

Now, when I say that the baby changed his preferences, what I mean is that he insisted on being cradled while he napped instead of sleeping in the fetal position . My dishes still piled up and the laundry didn't get done. I tried to put him down regularly, becoming more creative in technique as time went on, with very rare success. He wasn't ready to nap on his own.

After a few months of this, I started reading the parenting books again. G had been diagnosed with Tetralogy of Fallot, and I was dealing with the anxiety by reading about babies. This led me to believe that if my son couldn't put himself to sleep by two months of age, he would have a difficult time ever figuring it out. If I was constantly nursing him to sleep  (which I was) then I could expect him to need to nurse to sleep until age three and beyond. Once again, my mom told me not to sweat it. He would figure out sleeping when he was ready.

Well, once again, my mom called it. Recently, G has insisted that he does not want to nurse to sleep any more. Four months of reinforcing a bad habit undone by one brain growth spurt. Not only that, but he prefers to nap in his crib now!

He also wakes more at night. Oh well. Win some, lose some.

I don't want to pretend that bad habits don't exist. I am sure that there are plenty of babies who needed structure in their sleep routine, and were paid disservice by being nursed to sleep, nap after nap. But my baby, and probably many others, just sorted things out when they were developmentally ready.

I work as an educator. I have lesson plans and structure and games and assignments. Practice makes perfect. It seems miraculous to me that a baby just figures everything out on his own. He doesn't need a demonstration or an instruction manual. It is truly amazing.

Every time he learns a new skill I rejoice, especially when I gain some independence from him. I put many pieces of myself away when he was born, and I miss them desperately. I look forward to bringing them out again when I have the freedom to do so. But the flipside is that he is gaining independence from me, and for that I am never truly ready.

Little G is learning at such an accelerated pace these days. Who knows how many milestones he will reach in the coming weeks. I guess we will have to take it one nap at a time.