Last night, my husband and I were remarking that despite my attempt at a healthy pregnancy, our baby was still born with a dangerous birth defect.
I was careful to avoid all the hazards, from cigarette smoke to alcohol to deli meat. I ate a healthy diet. I stayed somewhat active. I wouldn't even use bathroom cleaner. My husband took charge of cleaning the shower. The guidelines for pregnant women are impossibly strict, and I followed them. We wondered if that care was all for nothing.
I stand by what I did. It gave my son his best chance. I would do anything for him to be well. If I am so lucky as to become pregnant again, I will be cautious while that child relies on me. There will be no regrets, no questioning if I had done all that I could to prevent an illness. I am not plagued by that guilt, and I can focus my attention toward my family.
It wasn't all for nothing. Unfortunately, sometimes birth defects occur in babies without any risk factors, just like our sweet son. But at least I know that I didn't cause his CHD through carelessness. In this turbulent time, that nugget of peace is invaluable.
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